Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Grabbies

Should babies come with protective goggles? Maybe weekly email reminders to trim their nails? Perhaps my cute little cherub's monstrous growls indicate his newfound oneness with his inner beast.
A friend of mine who doesn't have children once told me that kids are basically primitive savages. I never denied this, but being the aesthetically-minded individual I am, I may have been too blinded by the adorable button nose to notice that it was smelling some fresh meat to attack.
In the first two weeks of joshy's sixth month I have suffered daily hair-pulling, deep-claw face- and neck-grabbing, and cheek hicky-ing. After celebrating his half-birthday with the family enjoying a home-made low-fat cake with his name on it, Joshy's latest impulse took the cake so to speak.
After nursing the very excited and cranky half-birthday boy into what I was hoping would be a drowsy milk-induced state, he insisted instead that I stand him up for his double-burping, post-nursing playtime. He clutched around at the air hoping, I think,to catch a nice-sized chunk of hair.
But in a split-second my eye exploded in pain, and only then did I realize that I'd been attacked by my own baby.
After I gave joshy to my husband so I could attempt to nurse my wounds, the lingering family members, namely the immediate ones from Long island, assured me I was okay and that my eye looked normal. The pain dissipated a bit after an hour and I fell asleep as I usually do--clutching onto my beautiful son.
When the light of morning reflected onto that newly-opened eye though the pain returned with newfound vigor. My father insisted I go to the emergency room,which I poo-pooed (sp?) figuring I'd be stuck there all day with joshy whining. (The boy refuses the bottle so I had no other option but rushing to the hospital, the cutest culprit in tow.)
Despite my insistence that we check on the insurance first, my family packed us off to Wills Eye, an eye hospital in nearby Philadelphia. We made fast friends with the other victims of various eye injuries waiting to be seen-- that happens when you have a kid who can smile and stick out his tongue simultaneously and smiles at everyone who notices him.
The doctor gave me two bottles of goo to pour in my eye multiple times a day and sent me on my way with my little monster. As the day went on my parents packed up for ny and left me and my savage to our own devices. Within that very day I learned to duck quickly as he tried to grab that same eye again and even made an attempt on the other one. I now understand that the "grabbies" are here to stay for a while and the best thing I can do is move out of the way of my baby's id.

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